- Influences such as social media and literature, shape our modern understanding of love, sometimes leading to idealised perceptions without a deeper grasp of its essence.
- True love in Islam extends beyond mere emotion to encompass action and continuous nurturing efforts. Also, are Muslims allowed to partake in Valentine’s Day?
In our contemporary age, our understanding of love is woven from a multitude of threads: Muslim couples on Instagram, Romantic Comedies, the fairy-tale fantasies of Disney Princesses, and the narratives spun within the pages of romance novels we immersed ourselves in as we were coming of age. Consequently, many of us find ourselves enamoured with the notion of love itself, perhaps without truly grasping its essence.
While I don’t claim to possess all the answers regarding matters of love, one thing I believe firmly is that love- whether for your mother, nephew, sister, or close friend- is not a mere emotion; it’s an action. Love requires nurturing and cultivation, a continuous effort to tend to its growth and deepen its roots.
Let us begin our discussion by delving into what is widely regarded as the epitome of love stories throughout history.
Romeo and Juliet’s devotion reached such extremes that they opted for a double exit. Quite the romantic tragedy, isn’t it? Quite the contrary! Social services and a psychiatrist would have to be contacted on speed dial if such an occurrence were to happen in reality today.
Unrequited love has consistently pulled at the heart strings of audiences across literature and film, think the Great Gatsby or Devdas. This archetype of the romantic hero, willing to sacrifice everything, even his own well-being, for the sake of love, is deeply ingrained in our cultural narratives. However, if we were to encounter such a figure in real life, we’d be inclined to think, ‘What a loser!’ or ‘Get a grip mate!’ or even ‘How can I respect this man if he doesn’t respect himself?”. What underlying message does this narrative convey? It encourages the idolization of women (shirk), a self-destructive pursuit of love, and an idealization of romance.
How about Austen’s Mr. Darcy (the embodiment of many women’s romantic ideals) and the eloquent Elizabeth Bennet? Critics suggest that their love story, built on determination, defied societal barriers and personal biases. Nevertheless, despite their triumphs over adversity, their tale falls short of claiming the mantle of the greatest love story. For, in comparison to the greatest love story, their challenges seem but a leisurely walk in the park.
Allow me to introduce you to the greatest love story of all time, supported by numerous compelling reasons why it’s as authentic as they come. It involves our beautiful prophet, the greatest man who ever lived! Mohammed (saw) and our revered mother Khadijah R.A!
But first, what was the essence of their relationship? If the following Hadith fails to give you pause and provoke a reevaluation of the nature of love, I’m not sure what else could.
إِنِّي قَدْ رُزِقْتُ حُبَّهَا“I was nourished by her love.”
Sahih Muslim Book 44, Hadith 108
Let’s ponder over this Hadith for a moment. It beautifully exemplifies the profound influence of Khadijah RA’s love on him (saw), highlighting their intimate understanding of each other’s souls. She intuitively discerned his needs and timing, just as he did for her. Scholastic tradition informs us that many of our souls have already forged connections prior to inhabiting our bodies- whether it’s the initial encounter of two souls, for instance, two sisters in a halaqa. This insight explains our instinctual sense of affinity or dissonance towards others.
The most significant trial faced by Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and Khadijah (may Allah be pleased with her) occurred when he first received revelation and encountered the Angel Gabriel (peace be upon him). Upon returning home, he was visibly shaken. Khadijah tenderly wrapped him in a blanket, offering comfort to her beloved husband and the final Prophet of Allah. In that moment, she reassured him of his goodness and caring nature, expressing unwavering faith in his character. She believed in him like no other and trusted that Allah would never abandon him. Truly, Khadijah was a woman of profound wisdom and resolute support. Khadijah R.A. said:
كَلاَّ أَبشِر فَوَاللَّهِ لَا يُخْزِيكَ اللَّهُ أَبَدًا، وَاللهِ إِنَّكَ لَتَصِلُ الرَّحِمَ، وَتَصدُق الحَدِيثَ وَتَحْمِلُ الْكَلَّ، وَتَكْسِبُ الْمَعْدُومَ، وَتَقْرِي الضَّيْفَ، وَتُعِينُ عَلَى نَوَائِبِ الْحَقِّ
“Never! Be rejoice! By Allah, Allah will never disgrace you. By Allah, you keep good relations with others, you speak the truth, you carry the burden of the poor and help the destitute, you serve your guests generously and assist those afflicted with calamities.”
(Narrated by Imam Muslim)
Prophet Muhammad (ﷺ) said solemnly. “Indeed, her love had been nurtured in my heart by Allah Himself.” (Muslim). We see here how the love for a spouse is a special kind of love that has blessings upon blessings.
Through the example of Prophet Mohammed (saw)- how he loved us (“his brothers”), his companions, and wives, we discover the essence of true love. Whether it’s affection for a sibling or a parent-genuine love entails longing for companionship in both this life and the Hereafter, grounded in practicality and optimism rather than mere idealism. Additionally, this love entails concern for how you might reach Jannah together. Our actions towards those we cherish actions are driven by our intimate love for Allah and a desire to please Him. In Islam, love for another human being, shouldn’t enter the heart, rather our hearts should be devoted solely to Allah. Everything and everyone else is transient and should therefore be kept in our hand.
Valentine’s Day is here! What should Muslims do?
Now I’m not here to play “haram police,” but as you are my brothers and sisters- I want good for you, and me, in shaa Allah.
We’ve all seen that man who hastily stops off at a petrol station to purchase a bunch of flowers on his way home from work, on the evening of February 14th. Let’s call him “Imran.” After enduring a day of relentless telling off from his boss for a missed deadline, Imran finds himself scrambling to salvage his romantic prospects, all in a bid to avoid landing in the proverbial “doghouse” with his wife for neglecting to plan “date night” on Valentine’s Day.
Valentine’s Day is a day that Imran has circled in his calendar, due to societal influence of course, and because the white man told him to do so. He is told when and how to show acts of kindness towards his wife. As a result, spontaneity and authenticity are certainly dead. As is romance ironically.
Imran’s a good guy, isn’t he? He just wants peace in his life and to ensure his wife’s happy with him. However, is he doing that which is pleasing to Allah? The one who created him, sustains and maintains him. Furthermore, a part of his job description is to be the leader of his family home. This is certainly not indicative of leadership in any capacity.
Moreover, if we simply follow the herd and Imran and Amina replicate the behaviour of Sandra and Tom every February 14th, what sets us a part as Muslims?
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “Every people has its festival and this is our festival.” This is worse than joining them in wearing the zinar (a garment that was worn only by ahl al-dhimmah) and other characteristics of theirs, for those characteristics are man-made and are not part of their religion, rather the purpose behind them is simply to distinguish between a Muslim and a non-Muslim.
It’s important to note, Prophet Mohammed (saw) said, “The best of you are those who are best to their women” (narrated by al-Tirmidhi). This hadith highlights the importance of treating women with respect and kindness, and encourages men to be loving and caring towards their wives.
The Prophet (saw) also said: ‘I was shown the Hell-fire and that the majority of its dwellers were women who were ungrateful.’ It was asked, ‘Do they disbelieve in Allah?’ (or are they ungrateful to Allah?) He replied, ‘They are ungrateful to their husbands and are ungrateful for the favors and the good (charitable deeds) done to them. If you have always been good (benevolent) to one of them and then she sees something in you (not of her liking), she will say, ‘I have never received any good from you.'” (Sahih al-Bukhari 1052)
What are the true origins of Valentine’s Day?
This ceremony was initially observed annually on February 15, immediately following the contemporary Valentine’s Day.
Commencing with a congregation of Roman priests known as Luperci, who assembled at designated locales such as the cave of Lupercal, the ritual involved the sacrifice of a goat and a dog, ostensibly in homage to their pagan deities. The goat’s sacrifice purportedly symbolized fertility.
Utilizing the bloodied blade employed in the sacrificial rites, the foreheads of two youthful, unclothed Luperci were anointed with blood, from which stemmed the symbolic association of the colour red with Valentine’s Day.
The hide of the goat was then severed into strips known as thongs, which the Luperci would brandish while careening through the streets, flagellating any women they encountered. This act, was intended as a symbol of fertility. Historic accounts purport that this aspect of the ritual was not always consensual.
The so-called romantic conclusion entailed the pairing of young men and women, ultimately resulting in a night of debauched revelry.
The amalgamation of this festival with the narrative of Saint Valentine, often regarded as the primary genesis of the occasion, was likely orchestrated by the Catholic Church to render Christianity more palatable to pagans.
Valentine’s Day shouldn’t be an excuse to commit further haram
For example, in Surah Al-Isra, verse 32, it says, “And do not approach unlawful sexual intercourse. Indeed, it is ever an immorality and is evil as a way.” Similarly, in Surah An-Nur, verse 30, it says, “Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and be modest. That is purer for them. Indeed, Allah is Acquainted with what they do.”
The Prophet Mohammed (saw) said: “Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him not be alone with a woman who has no mahram (a male family member who is forbidden to marry her), for the third one present with them is the devil.” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi)
