- Many people grow up desiring a ‘big fat cultural’ wedding without contemplating the root cause of their desire.
- The virtues of embracing simplicity are essentially all around us; you just need to look a little harder.
So you’ve met “the man or girl of your dreams”, if such a thing exists (keeping it halal of course), mum and dad approve and you’re floating somewhere on cloud 9 right about now!
Next steps- planning for the big day.
There are some sisters among us who embody the essence of a real-life ‘Monica Geller.” Throughout their lives, they have diligently curated a tangible manifestation reminiscent of ‘The Wedding Book,” a meticulously organised scrapbook arranged alphabetically and geographically. Additionally, there are those among them who exude unparalleled sweetness in their demeanour, yet undergo a transformative metamorphosis into a formidable ‘Bridezilla’ as their momentous day draws near. However it is imperative to ponder the underlying motivations behind such elaborate preparations. Often we unwittingly, find ourselves imitating our surroundings, oblivious to the influences that shape our choices.
I mean, everyone in your family has “a big fat (insert culture) wedding,” right? How could you possibly be the exception? Particularly when Aunty Bushra will have something to say if your wedding isn’t as flamboyant as her daughter’s.
For those of you who aren’t accustomed to such extravagant weddings, the notion of a celebration imbued with opulence may, nonetheless, hold an irresistible allure- a day of unparalleled joy that echoes the mantra ‘go hard or go home,” as frequently depicted in our Instagram reels.
The UK Asian wedding industry contributes to an extraordinary 5 billion GBP to the economy. https://www.awauk.org/#:~:text=As%20an%20industry%2C%20the%20Asian,billion%20to%20the%20UK%20economy. The average desi wedding has a large guest list; some caterers feed on average 1,000 guests. Now factor in the Park Lane wedding venue with fairy tale decor and an impeccable stage backdrop. How about releasing some doves in the air? That’s romantic, isn’t it? … (you saw it somewhere on TikTok—I know.) Oh, and of course, the £4,000 plus wedding dress from your favourite designer brand.
Many of you brothers are not exempt from this either. Some of you maybe in the process of booking your dream fleet of cars that lasts for miles on end, all in preparation for the big day: the Aventador, the Murcielago SV, the Ferrari Enzo, and the Bugatti Chiron. You might even be scouting for the best DJ in town, fully aware of Aunty Bushra’s dangerous dance moves.
Free mixing and music are not conducive to having baraka on your special day or embarking on the journey of marriage. This is an invaluable opportunity to seek maximum reward from Allah.
There are a multitude of reasons as to why your grand aspirations for your momentous day have such meticulous intricacies. However, let’s explore the virtues of embracing simplicity, illuminating why it stands as the finest choice for a devout Muslim.
Extravagance is disliked by Allah
Whether rich or poor, one’s financial condition is a test.
“They ask you, [O Muhammad], what they should spend. Say, “Whatever you spend of good is for parents and relatives and orphans and the needy and the traveler. And whatever you do of good – indeed, Alläh is Knowing of it.”
(Quran 2.215)
We all like nice things; I get it. Furthermore, it’s not evil to be wealthy in Islam, contrary to what some people may lead you to believe. In fact, many of the Sahaba were incredibly wealthy. However, they did much good with their wealth, and it travelled far and wide. Also, why shouldn’t Muslims try to possess nice things? However, it should never be for ‘a flex’ as the saying goes. Take, for instance, Uthman Bin Affan رضيالله عنه. He used his wealth to purchase the freedom of many enslaved Muslims. He was known for major acts of generosity during the life of Prophet Mohammed (saw). He purchased an incredibly costly well when Prophet Mohammed (saw) said a reward in Jannah would be given to whoever purchased the well and made it accessible for the people.
Khadijah Bint Khuwailid (RA)—the mother of the believers: The best thing about her was not that she was a businesswoman, but rather that she supported Prophet Mohammed (saw) and the cause of Islam. She spent her worldly riches on the poor, orphans, widows, and the sick. She helped poor girls get married, providing their dowry, and also helped the cause of Islam.
What will the people say?
Islam encourages modesty and discourages excessive displays of showmanship.
Furthermore, Once Aunty Bushra has devoured that gajar ka halwa and asked for seconds (irrespective of her diabetes), chances are she will leave your elaborate wedding complaining about something or the other, regardless of how much money you’ve spent. The point being here is we shouldn’t aim to please people but rather we should aim to please our creator.
Riyaa/Ostentation
On the other hand, Ostentatious displays on your wedding day could potentially be the result of destructive traits of the heart. I would recommend giving the podcast: a discussion between Ustadh Hamza Tzortzis and Shaykh Abu Aaliyah a watch. Their work assists in identifying and curing the destructive traits of the heart (ostentation being one of them). May Allah bless them, guide us all and may our intentions be to seek the pleasure of Allah alone and not the people.
Prophet Mohammed (saw) said,
“Learn the Quran and use it to ask Allah for Paradise before people learn it to ask for the world. Verily, the Quran is learned for three reasons: a man who uses it to boast, a man who uses it for his livelihood, and a man who recites it for Allah.” (Qiyām al-Layl li-Ibn Naṣr 179)
Families competing with one another
We see how the only reason Muslims should compete with one another is to gain the pleasure of Allah,
“After describing the bliss of Paradise, Allah Says (what means): {So for this let the competitors compete.}
Quran (83:26)
The potential financial burden on your parents or family members
We are taught to take care of our parents in Islam, even at the cost of imposing a considerable financial burden on them, to the extent that some parents are compelled to go as far as re-mortgaging their homes. This can have significant implications for their financial stability and well-being.
Pagan Rituals
Sadly, certain cultural practises observed in some Muslim weddings find their roots in pagan traditions. It’s intriguing to observe that even the most devout individuals succumb to disregarding Islamic principles for the sake of this single day. However, it is unequivocally clear that such compromises are not worth the consequences, especially considering that as the host, you and your family bear some responsibility for the sins committed by your guests, in addition to your own.
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Wedding season is upon us, and I pray those of you who are getting married this summer have spouses who are the coolness of your eyes, that you raise beautiful children who will be the shining light for our ummah!…Ameen!
This is a really beautiful and much-needed article. Good Job.