- An increasing trend of using children as tools for revenge in custody battles is causing harm. Islam forbids such injustice. This impacts fathers and extended family.
- The effects of fatherlessness are severe. Studies link it to high crime rates, poor mental health, educational failure, along with substantial economic costs to society.
In non-Muslim European countries there is a growing and concerning epidemic where children have become tools of oppression used by ex-wives to enact vengeance on their ex-husbands. It is particularly concerning that this culture has made its way into the Muslim ummah by sisters who otherwise appear to be fearing of Allah and justice-advocating individuals on the outside, dressed in Islamic attire.
“He used to beat me,” “He gives money to Isis,” are many of the false statements presented in court by scorned ex-wives.
According to Fathers 4 Justice, nearly four million children are fatherless in the UK, 200 children lose contact with their fathers every day in secret courts, and the cost of family breakdown every year is £44 billion.
Muslim fathers are being prevented from having access to their children by mothers and the courts. This is despite Islam regarding it as criminal. This very sadly prevents the father from seeing, meeting and being involved with his child’s upbringing.
Committing injustice against a Creation of Allah in Islam
The early scholar and great thinker Sufyān al-Thawrī reportedly said:
“It is better for a person to meet Allāh on the Day of Resurrection with 70 sins between him and Allāh than meeting Him with just a single sin against one of His slaves.”
وَلَا تَحْسَبَنَّ اللَّهَ غَافِلًا عَمَّا يَعْمَلُ الظَّالِمُونَ ۚ إِنَّمَا يُؤَخِّرُهُمْ لِيَوْمٍ تَشْخَصُ فِيهِ الْأَبْصَارُ
Allah says in the Qur’an:
“And never think that Allāh is unaware of what the wrongdoers do. He only delays them for a Day when eyes will stare [in horror].”
فَيَوْمَئِذٍ لَّا يَنفَعُ الَّذِينَ ظَلَمُوا مَعْذِرَتُهُمْ وَلَا هُمْ يُسْتَعْتَبُون
Oppression and injustice are fundamental reasons for the destruction of nations. Conversely, justice is the key reason for the protection of nations.
In Surah Surah Al-An’a, Allah says:
وَلَقَدْ أَهْلَكْنَا الْقُرُونَ مِن قَبْلِكُمْ لَمَّا ظَلَمُوا ۙ وَجَاءَتْهُمْ رُسُلُهُم بِالْبَيِّنَاتِ وَمَا كَانُوا لِيُؤْمِنُوا ۚ كَذَٰلِكَ نَجْزِي الْقَوْمَ الْمُجْرِمِينَ
“And We had already destroyed generations before you when they wronged, and their messengers had come to them with clear proofs, but they were not to believe. Thus do We recompense the criminal people.”
“But I’m being a good Muslim and doing what’s best for my child”, Shaytan made her believe!
One of Satan’s most insidious traps is convincing those who listen to him that being a “sound Muslim” is solely about personal acts of worship, while neglecting the gravity of the rights owed to Allah’s creation. A person deprived of Allah’s tawfīq may fall into the illusion that their prayers, beard, or hijāb will shield them from the consequences of wronging others and giving them their rights, even if divorce has taken place.
Severing relations with your ex-husband will in most cases extend to the wider paternal family
By severing the familial bond of innocent children—who have not made this decision themselves—grandparents, aunties and cousins will be unjustly denied the opportunity to embrace their own flesh and blood.
The Prophet (s.a.w) said that Allāh the Almighty said:
أَنَا الرَّحْمَنُ، وَأَنَا خَلَقْتُ الرَّحِمَ، وَاشْتَقَقْتُ لَهَا مِنَ اسْمِي، فَمَنْ وَصَلَهَا وَصَلْتُهُ، وَمَنْ قَطَعَهَا بَتَتُّهُ
‘I am Al-Rahmān (the Most Merciful). I have created al-rahim (ties of kinship) and derived its name from My name. Whoever joins the ties of kinship, I shall join with them. And whoever cuts it off, I shall cut them off.’
(Sahih al-Bukhari)
The powerful dua of the oppressed
Moreover, those who force a separation between a parent and child should heed the warning of our Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w):
“There are three whose supplication is not rejected: the fasting person when he breaks his fast, the just leader, and the supplication of the oppressed person. Allāh raises (these supplications) up above the clouds and opens the gates of Heaven to it. And the Lord says: ‘By My might, I shall surely aid you, even if it should be after a while.’ (Sunan al-Tirmidhi)
Those mothers who commit such atrocities, ultimately suffocate their own children. Do not suppress your children, for such actions could cause deep, lasting harm. This is not to suggest that every child in such circumstances will face the same fate, for Allah is the ultimate Master of all our outcomes. However, the following stats ought to be considered as they paint a particularly grim picture:
Statistics regarding Fatherless Children
Mens’ activist and psychologist Warren Farrell, who authored the very well-known book ‘The myth of male power’, concludes, “Dad-deprived boys are less likely to display empathy, are less assertive, are depressed, have nightmares, talk back and are disobedient. These boys will also be more likely to have low self-esteem, fewer friends, and are likely to do worse in every single academic area, especially reading & writing, and maths & science’. “Prisons are centres for dad-deprived boys”, he continues. “There has been a 700 per cent increase in incarceration in the USA since the 1970s – in the UK it has more than doubled”.
Britain’s National Police Chief’s Council Serious Violence Co-ordinator Jackie Sebire stated in 2020, “Knife crime is being driven by absent fathers”, young men not having good role models…young men are not afraid to go to prison.” Furthermore, the economic cost of the family breakdown in 2016 was £48bn or £1,820 for every taxpayer. In 2010, the costs to society as a whole, through truancy, anti-social behaviour, teenage crime, addiction, lost productivity was £100bn. In 2011, 62% of families in Camden, London, had no father, and a further 236 areas across England and Wales had 50% of households consisting of families where there was no dad present.
Moreover, the following statistics, published by America First Policy Institute assert that in the USA: 63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes, 90% of all homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes, 80% of rapists come from fatherless homes, fatherless children are six times more likely to live in poverty & commit criminal acts than children raised in dual-parent households, 85% of children with behavioural disorders have been raised in fatherless homes—20 times the national percentage in America. Globally, eight out of every ten lone-parent households are headed by women.
May Allah azza wa Jal protect the families of the Muslims, and bless them with unity, strengthened bonds and protection from all harm— Ameen
