In this modern era, if we can’t truly be empathetic towards the plight of some of our sisters, we won’t know how to safeguard our homes from Feminism. In turn, everyone suffers. Without arming ourselves with knowledge, we will find ourselves engaged in a battle where the opposing force possesses formidable weaponry, such as grenades and tanks, while we are armed merely with our pens.
“All men are trash!” (says the fiery feminist over a coffee table chat with her friends)
The incessant attempts to espouse this narrative is nonsensical and problematic. The ubiquity of messaging from many Feminists is misandry. However, as Muslims, we must not further ignite gender wars in the process of trying to combat that which opposes the decree of Allah swt.
Radical, liberal and Marxist feminism withdraw any form of patriarchy from their ontology. Patriarchy in the minds of adherents to such ideologies equate hierarchy to oppression.
Prophetic masculinity generates a hierarchy in the household that is the antithesis of oppression- it is caring, just, honest and strong.
Here are some steps to safeguard our homes from Feminism and promote orthodox Islamic teachings:
1. Intention
In a Muslim household, each member of the family occupies a designated position. However, these roles are observed and fulfilled solely when there exists an innate yearning to obey Allah and prioritise pleasing Him above all else- all whilst following the teachings of Prophet Mohammed (saw). This yearning will only arise out of obedience and love for Allah.
2. Islamic Education/Tarbiyah (raising children in a proper manner)
It is essential to provide children with a strong foundation in aqeedah (correct islamic beliefs) starting at a young age. Encouraging them to participate in a weekly halaqa, if accessible, can greatly contribute to their spiritual growth. In cases where local halaqas are unavailable, there are various online platforms that offer monthly or weekly lectures. As a responsible parent, it is crucial to seek out speakers who possess a deep understanding of Islamic teachings while also being well-informed about contemporary issues and challenges. This will in turn equip a young person with the correct tools to navigate life and more pertinent to our discussion, provide solid reminders of their gender role and what is required of them.
In addition, it is imperative to establish a hierarchical framework within the household from the very outset. Attempting to enforce this framework exclusively during a girl’s later years is fundamentally illogical. Women swiftly adapt to the norms established within their family homes. Furthermore, such an approach fosters harmonious dynamics within the household. A woman flourishes when lead by a steadfast masculine figure/(s) as this cultivates her sense of security, ignites her femininity, and ensures her well-being. Consequently, when a girl transitions from her parental home to her marital residence, she will naturally carry forward the behavioural patterns acquired within her parental home.
ٱلرِّجَالُ قَوَّٰمُونَ عَلَى ٱلنِّسَآءِ بِمَا فَضَّلَ ٱللَّهُ بَعْضَهُمْ عَلَىٰ بَعْضٍۢ وَبِمَآ أَنفَقُوا۟ مِنْ أَمْوَٰلِهِمْ ۚ فَٱلصَّـٰلِحَـٰتُ قَـٰنِتَـٰتٌ حَـٰفِظَـٰتٌۭ لِّلْغَيْبِ بِمَا حَفِظَ ٱللَّهُ ۚ وَٱلَّـٰتِى تَخَافُونَ نُشُوزَهُنَّ فَعِظُوهُنَّ وَٱهْجُرُوهُنَّ فِى ٱلْمَضَاجِعِ وَٱضْرِبُوهُنَّ ۖ فَإِنْ أَطَعْنَكُمْ فَلَا تَبْغُوا۟ عَلَيْهِنَّ سَبِيلًا ۗ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ كَانَ عَلِيًّۭا كَبِيرًۭا ٣٤
Men are the caretakers of women, as men have been provisioned by Allah over women and tasked with supporting them financially. And righteous women are devoutly obedient and, when alone, protective of what Allah has entrusted them with.1 And if you sense ill-conduct from your women, advise them ˹first˺, ˹if they persist,˺ do not share their beds, ˹but if they still persist,˺ then discipline them ˹gently˺.2 But if they change their ways, do not be unjust to them. Surely Allah is Most High, All-Great.
Quran 4:34
Empowering Young Minds by Challenging Feminism and Fostering Open Discussions at Home
3. Create a loving home
This will foster a strong trust bond between fathers and daughters, brothers and sisters, and husbands and wives. It will also help women comprehend that the establishment of certain boundaries and disciplines within the family home is driven by love and concern.
However, masculine assertiveness can manifest in diverse ways, sometimes lacking gentleness. During such occasions, past instances of love, care, and attention will serve as reminders to women that the dominant man in the household genuinely cares for their well-being and desires what is best for them, in accordance with the teachings of Allah and His messenger (saw).
4. A lack of female role models online
Unfortunately, there exists a notable scarcity of online Muslim female role models. Hence, it becomes imperative for a mother (even more so during these testing times) to have a positive influence on her daughter. This can be achieved by fostering open and meaningful dialogue.
5. Friends and company
Being actively engaged in your children’s lives is crucial. It is essential to have a keen awareness of your children’s friends and their social circles. This should be the case irrespective of whether your child is 8 or 18.
‘Feminist Muslim’ sisters frequently gather at coffee shops or eateries where discussions quickly devolve into derogatory remarks about men, otherwise known as “man-bashing”. This contempt towards men is expressed by married, divorced, or single women alike. During such gatherings, all men are unjustly labelled as “useless,” “dumb,” or dismissed as being “all the same”, such statements are often accompanied by an eye roll. These statements have the potential to indoctrinate the minds of vulnerable women who are already harbouring bitter feelings from other personal life experiences.
It is therefore crucial to recall the teachings of Prophet Mohammed (peace be upon him) regarding the company we choose to keep.
Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) said, “The example of a good companion (who sits with you) in comparison with a bad one, is like that of the musk seller and the blacksmith’s bellows (or furnace); from the first you would either buy musk or enjoy its good smell while the bellows would either burn your clothes or your house, or you get a bad nasty smell thereof.”
Sahih al-Bukhari 2101
The mindset of a female cannot be solely determined by her attire. For instance, one should not assume that a woman wearing a niqab and gloves automatically aligns with being a traditional/orthodox Muslim woman. Some sisters in the west unfortunately suffer from Cognitive Dissonance. Moreover, many sisters are aware of the negative perception associated with the term “Feminism” within the Muslim community. It could be for this reason that many sisters would not outrightly admit to possessing feministic values. However, their actions may still resonate with the principles of this ideology. Therefore, it is ineffective to rely on labels when attempting to understand someone’s mindset.
On the other hand, a man is not necessarily a masculine man with masculine traits or a strong and loving leader, simply because he is following the sunnah outwardly, has grown a long beard and is wearing a thobe. Meaningful conversations and dialogue are the key to establishing a true understanding of who someone is.
6. Online Dayooth (Muslim men who lack ‘Gheera’- protective jealousy for their women folk)
Speaking candidly, if I may, my dear sisters have no purpose in being present on public social media platforms for the whole world to gawk at. As a caveat, it’s worth noting that this distinction applies when sisters present themselves online for dawah purposes respectfully or in professional capacities, such as doctors, seeking to benefit the community etc..Or when there is a need to impart valuable, beneficial knowledge.
However, recently there has been a surge of Dayooth in the online realm. These individuals are Muslim men who willingly expose their wives online, thereby compromising their modesty. Consequently, these sisters exhibit a lack of haya (shyness/modesty) and sometimes engage in discussions pertaining to immoral topics. In turn, their protectors are no longer protecting them, which is highly problematic.
We all possess a deep spiritual appetite to connect with Allah. However, this can be overshadowed by the allure of money and fame. To preserve this connection and to align with the job description given to men by Allah, it is crucial to prevent the emergence of Dayooth in the family home. Instilling principles in young boys by training them to be protectors over their sisters and mothers, regardless of any potential material incentives, is a means to accomplish this.
Muslim men acquiescing to their sisters and wives having male friends at university, college, and work has also become a new phenomenon and a major aspect of the secularisation process, serving to reverse engine religious traditions that call for the prohibition of men and women unnecessarily intermixing. Muslim men must protect their womenfolk from such occurrences.
7. Do not conflate culture with deen
A sister without sufficient Islamic knowledge and upbringing to discern religion from culture may observe injustices in a household where culture outweighs faith. While many cultural practises align with Islam, those that deviate breed chaos, injustice, and confusion in a young girl’s mind. This can drive her towards alternative ideologies, often leaning towards the prevailing one, such as feminism. This will, in turn, lead to a distorted version of Islam.
In the desi community, there’s often leniency towards premarital relationships for boys but outrage if their sisters engage in the same behaviour. It’s important to note that zina, or illicit sexual relationships, are prohibited for both genders.
ٱلزَّانِيَةُ وَٱلزَّانِى فَٱجْلِدُوا۟ كُلَّ وَٰحِدٍۢ مِّنْهُمَا مِا۟ئَةَ جَلْدَةٍۢ ۖ وَلَا تَأْخُذْكُم بِهِمَا رَأْفَةٌۭ فِى دِينِ ٱللَّهِ إِن كُنتُمْ تُؤْمِنُونَ بِٱللَّهِ وَٱلْيَوْمِ ٱلْـَٔاخِرِ ۖ وَلْيَشْهَدْ عَذَابَهُمَا طَآئِفَةٌۭ مِّنَ ٱلْمُؤْمِنِينَ ٢
The woman and the man guilty of adultery or fornication flog each of them with a hundred stripes: let not compassion move you in their case in a matter prescribed by Allah if ye believe in Allah and the Last Day: and let a party of the Believers witness their punishment.
Qur’an 24:2
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Book Recommendations for achieving Harmonious Relations with the Opposite Gender
- The Holy Qur’an
- ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus’- John Gray
- ‘The Shepherd’s Way: The Muslim man’s guide to escaping the comfort trap, attracting the ideal wife, and reclaiming his purpose.’- Ameen Omar
- ‘The Five love languages’- Gary Chapman
- ‘The tactical guide to women’- Shawn Smith
- ‘A practical guide to men’- Shawn Smith
